The last thing any woman want to suspect her husband or partner of is cheating, especially if you have been in a long and loving relationship.

Cheating takes on many shapes and forms, and the lines have become quite blurred with the technological advances of recent years. Long gone are the days when a partner’s infidelity was limited to sleeping with somebody else; steamy text messages and that secret chat room rendezvous are not only easier to hide but can be done while you are in the same room!

Here are some warning signs that you partner could be cheating on you. Just remember not to confuse signs with proof, and have an action plan – like family counselling – in place if your worst fears do come true...

• You catch him with little lies about how and where he spent parts of his day.
• His cell phone is always on silent, and he carries it EVERYWHERE.
• He hides his cell phone and credit card bills.
• He takes a new interest in his appearance and grooming, buys new clothes and suddenly takes out a gym contract.
• He is constantly online or sending SMS messages, but won’t give you any details.
• He accuses you of not trusting him and becomes defensive when you mention infidelity.
• He works longer hours, even though there is no proof that his workload has increased.
• He "loses" his wedding ring or "forgets" to wear it (watch out for the disappearance of the tell-tale "wedding band tan").
• He tells you that he loves you but is no longer in love with you.
• He feels the need to justify his relationship with somebody as being "just friends".

If you share Susan’s sentiments, you are also probably wondering why you are never lucky in love, and why Mr Perfect turns into Mr Commitment Phobe the moment you want your relationship to move to the next level.

The answer is quite simple: most of us want Mr Perfect – a smooth-talking hunk who can engage in deep philosophical discussions while whisking you off to exotic destinations. In reality, Mr Perfect is nothing more than a fantasy; a romantic notion that is not sustainable in the long run.

And herein lies the problem. Too many of us look for good husband material in Mr Perfect, while it is Mr Good-for-You who has the right criteria for a long-term relationship.

When we start the dating game, we have a long list of requirements our dream guy must adhere to before we consider a second date. But as we grow older and start to look for long-term relationships, this list changes somewhat. However, it is only a truly realistic list that will change the way you look at men, and at the guy who may not be Mr Perfect but who could be perfect for you.

Looking for a long-term relationship? Your list should look like this...

I want:

• Someone who is kind, generous and honest.
• Someone who wants to spend time and be in a relationship with me.
• Someone I can be open with and who will respect my opinion, even if we don’t agree.
• Someone who enjoys doing things with me.
• Someone who will comfort me when I am upset without feeling resentful.
• Someone who is ready to love and be loved.

The great thing about this list is that it leaves room for characteristics you may never have known you wanted in a partner, and that finding a man who has the above traits will give you the greatest gift of all: a peaceful, loving and comfortable relationship.

So the next time you go out, stop trying to find perfection. It is more important to have a good conversation and great fun. And when you do meet someone you are interested in and you get to know him a little better, ask yourself:

• Does he make me smile?
• Is he a good person?
• Does he treat me – and others – with respect?
• Does he show me that he is interested in a relationship?
• Do I have fun when I am with him?

Let these answers be your guide. Never settle for less. But at the same time, don’t just disqualify a man because his looks don’t match your romantic fantasies.

Simply start to appreciate quality men and open your heart to a good partner, and you will find that you’ll be more likely to find your long-term love and your own personal Mr Perfect.

 

The conclusion: We need to take control, and DIY our own ladies nights. No excuses about no-where to go - if none of you have a home large enough, hire a venue out! It won't cost that much if you all split the expenses. A little cover charge can equal a huge amount of fun.

Some Ladies Night Ideas:

• hire a cocktail barman
• hire a woman comedian (to dis men)
• pole dancing lesson
• hire a tarot card reader or psychic
• hire a dj
• karioke
• manicures/pedicures
• neck & shoulder massages
• adult toy party
• if all else fails, only then hire a stripper
• don't forget snacks

Ladies Night Games/Contest Ideas

• sexiest (female) table dancer
• fake orgasm: try to do better than Meg Ryan in "When Harry Met Sally"
• worst singer in the house
• hoola hoop
• butternut sculpting (ahem... careful mixing alcohol & knives)
• drinking games (be responsible though - don't encourage dangerous drinking)
• sex quiz

Prizes Ideas for Contests and Lucky Draws

• spa voucher
• cocktail/whiskey sets
• sex shop voucher
• lacy g-strings
• semi-nude french rugby team calendar

Tips for contests: to keep the energy levels up, try to do these contests quickly, without killing the music completely.